


Winter Song

by Muze



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/M, Song Lyrics, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 14:44:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13192299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Muze/pseuds/Muze
Summary: "They say that things just cannot grow beneath the winter snow, or so I have been told."Lucien looks back on everything that happened between Elain and himself and allows himself a sliver of hope.Songfic to Sara Bareilles' "Winter Song"





	Winter Song

_This is my winter song to you._  
_The storm is coming soon,_  
 _it rolls in from the sea._

‘I’ll go,’ I declared standing up, ‘to find this sixth queen.’ She hadn’t looked at me. She barely ever looked at me. Maybe it would help me redeem myself for not stopping Hybern, for not helping Feyre more than I did, for supporting Tamlin that long, for ruining her future with the man she loved. I barely knew her yet I had already wronged her in so many ways. Maybe crossing the ocean and garnering support on the continent could help. And maybe, just not being confronted with a man destiny forced down her throat along with immortality and a strange body would.

 

 

 _My voice; a beacon in the night._  
_My words will be your light,_  
 _to carry you to me._

As her mate it was my destiny to make her happy, to tug on the bond when she got lost in visions. I was the appointed person to help her. But everyone seemed to be better company. They were all so warm and loving, knowing how to approach someone without making things awkward. Years of court politics had made me weary and reserved. My relationship with Tamlin was the only thing akin to friendship I had had in over fifty years. But the last couple of months every trace of trust had slowly disappeared with each tantrum he threw. The Night Court was a family, a family willing to give Elain a warm home I had no part in. I had dreamt how I would be the first to break through her shell though, while reading poetry to her in the reading room.  
But when I came back she had left her lethargic state behind. She’d stabbed the king of Hybern, laughed, and appeared to have grown an understanding with the shadowsinger.

 

 

 _Is love alive?_  
_Is love alive?_  
 _Is love_

Her father had told me so much about them. 'Elain deserves the absolute best. Nesta might be an ice queen and Feyre is spirited and outspoken. Elain though, she lives on a castle on the clouds. Mentally removing herself from reality has always been her way to handle hard times. But it saves both her and the people around her. She refuses to acknowledge everyone's bad side.’  
But there was no good side to me. A marred face, divided loyalties and a cruel sense of humor. I'd trained myself to become every inch the cold emissary and politician Tamlin needed me to be. There was no warmth in me, no natural honesty nor enough power to keep her from harm. I was the weakest high fae of all those that she’d met.  
‘It hasn’t slipped my notice how you ask about all my daughters but only hang on to my every word when I talk about one in particular. So heed to this piece of advice: to win Elain, you need to listen. With sisters like hers, she’s prone to feeling overlooked.’  
And that was how I’d failed her. I’d talked about her and helped when Feyre asked. But I hadn’t listened in the way the shadowsinger had done. Foolishly.

 

 

 _They say that things just cannot grow_  
_beneath the winter snow,_  
 _or so I have been told._

My mate was in love with a mortal man. An ungrateful brat that willingly threw her away because of her pointy ears though she was still the same on the inside. She’d believed his love to be stronger than his prejudice. It hit too close to home for me, how prejudice drove love apart.  
I couldn’t expect her to love me. How long had it taken me to get over Jesminda?  
Love cannot grow in a tattered soul or broken heart.

 

 

 _They say were buried far,_  
 _just like a distant star_  
 _I simply cannot hold._  
I could be happy as a spectator. Her happiness was more dear to me than my own. If she didn’t want me I would accept it. I’d seen what smothering a person could do to them. You can’t force someone to love you. And if she would ever come to want me by her side in any way, I’d be waiting.

 

 

_Is love alive?_   
_Is love alive?_   
_Is love alive?_

‘Are you-‘  
‘Well, I never want to fight in another battle as long as I live, but… yes, I’m in one piece.’ And cauldron boil me, she actually smiled at that. But behind the three sisters I noticed a patch of charred grass. They had yet again lost someone. The universe was unfair in not giving them a chance to reconcile while I’d spent over a month with him. Maybe I could tell them about it. There were so many loose threads and things left unsaid.  
‘You could come to Velaris.’  
A glint of a possibility.

 

 

_This is my winter song._   
_December never felt so wrong,_   
_cause you're not where you belong;_   
_inside my arms._

The Spring Court was my home no longer. A simple shake of Tamlin’s head and the unforgiving loathing in his eyes said enough. Fifty years gone to waste. I couldn’t now, but I had to try someday. If not to mend than to come to an understanding. He was as isolated as I was.  
Elain didn’t say anything while I was standing so close to her during the meeting but neither did my family. Eris had been more agreeable than I remembered, perhaps there was a chance for the autumn court to become a better place after my father had made it as rotten as the leaves that covered its grounds.  
The Night Court was healing and so intimate it made me uncomfortable. I didn’t fit in. Though Feyre made it obvious she wanted me to keep on trying with Elain. I fit nowhere.  
Everyone needed space to breathe and so remaining in the human lands and occasionally talking with one of the few other beings I felt comfortable with, was the right thing to do.

 

 

 _bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum_  
_bum bum bum bum bum bum_  
 _bum bum bum bum bum bum_

_I still believe in summer days._   
_The seasons always change_   
_and life will find a way._

 

A letter arrived to update me on everything that was happening. Feyre had included a flower from Elain’s garden at her request. I hoped she could bloom and heal just like the rotted dried patches of dirt Rhysand called his garden.  
‘A forget-me-not, how quaint. Is it from that doe-eyed mate of yours?’  
‘Oh just turn back into a swan already.’  
I could as soon forget her as I could forget my own being. Deep inside of me, a thread gave way to a budding contentment with a glimmer of hope that had been growing. My mate was healing. Slowly but surely.

 

 

 

_I'll be your harvester of light_   
_and send it out tonight_   
_so we can start again._

When I answered I included a couple of different seeds from the flowers that grew here, so she’d always have a piece of her old life with her.

 

 

 

_Is love alive?_   
_Is love alive?_   
_Is love alive?_

When I returned I found Elain with her hands in the soil of a flowerbed. She turned around and instead of protectively wrapping her arms around herself, she returned my hesitant smile. ‘How do you like your flowers?’ But it weren’t the flowers I’d sent her. It was a mixture of Autumn Court, Spring Court and Night Court flowers and somehow, they fit together.  
‘What are these?’ I asked pointing at the Night Court ones. She just smiled.  
‘Elain, I want to get to know you.’

 

 

 

_This is my winter song._   
_December never felt so wrong,_   
_cause you're not where you belong;_   
_inside my arms._

‘Me too.’ We went inside. I left my duffel bag in the hallway.

 

 

 

_This is my winter song to you._   
_The storm is coming soon_   
_it rolls in from the sea._

We took our time. Progress was slow. Over more than a dozen pots of tea we discussed the stories we heard and the tales that had been told. Carefully hinting at how we experienced the things in our lives. And hoping didn't seem as hopeless as it had before.  
A letter from the Day Court arrived. And suddenly a lot of things fell in place. But at the same time the weak foundations I had built were reduced to rubble. First in line to the throne of a court I had visited only a limited amount of times before. My mother was happy and therefore so was I. But I didn’t feel any joy as a more peaceful chapter of my life was coming to an end.

 

 

 

_My love a beacon in the night._   
_My words will be your light_   
_to carry you to me._

It was easy to recognise a kindred soul but harder to reach out. But even in that barren trampled battlefield of my soul, a tiny seed had caught germ months ago.  
It would take time still.  
But as he left through the front door.  
I hoped he’d return to this home once more.

 

 

 

 

 

_Is love alive?_   
_Is love alive?_   
_Is love alive?_   
_Is love alive?_   
_Is love alive?_


End file.
